Transplant Operation

Just over a month ago, our boiler started making funny noises late on a Tuesday night. This was followed by a strong smell of heating oil permeating through the kitchen. The light on it was glowing showing a fault.
Now, our boiler is very advanced, there are two lights on it. One light tells you it’s on and another that tells you it’s broken! The broken one was glowing. Our first thought was that we had run out of oil. We had a delivery back in October when we first thought there were problems with it. Our tank has no working fuel gauge on it so various makeshift dipsticks have been used ( including the one now standing on top of it at twenty past ten at night with a clothes prop in his hand). I concluded that we had very little oil left so we decided to get a small (minimum delivery 500 Litres at £180) top up. The fuel tanker came within a few days, during which time we were weighing up the benefits of replacing the tank with a smaller, less obtrusive plastic one. Once the oil had been delivered, I fired up the boiler and, hey presto (hey Safeway or Morrisons just never caught on did it? Come to think of it, I don’t think Morrisons ever will) it worked. We thought nothing else of it (apart from how the hell we were going to pay £180 we hadn’t factored for) until a couple of weeks ago when Katy complained about the lack of hot water. On investigation, the broken light was glowing again.
We survived for the last couple of weeks with the immersion heater for hot water and Katy’s corporate fleece for warmth! We toyed with the idea of getting out the engineer who had come back in October but Katy has many contacts and we had used Lewis (pronounced Louis) for the job of replacing a radiator and putting in a new one where the previous owners had seen fit to take away. We trust Lewis so Katy contacted him and he agreed to come past on a Homer (I say homer in capitals as it refers to Lewis‘ passion for Latin scriptures. It is a little known fact that plumbers live up to their title coming from the Latin, Plumbum for lead. Please do not dispute this as my father was a plumber for many years, as was he a Free Mason, so I know these things!)
When he came in on Saturday morning, he opened the thing up, all the time saying “aye she’s an old girl” “they don’t make these ones anymore” so we were prepared for the worst when he concluded that the ignition system had packed in. He thought there might be one in his boiler graveyard that he could salvage, to give our boiler a stay of execution but if he had no luck, then it meant we would have around £1500 to find for a new one. Lewis also found the source of the nasty smells, dating back to October which was a gap in the flu outlet. This had not only been venting nasty niffs back into the house but Carbon Monoxide. The boiler engineer we had previously used had concluded that there was no leak and to stuff glass wool loft insulation into the wall to soak up the smells.
On Tuesday evening I returned home from work to find Katy and Lewis chatting. The good news was that a donor part had been found and we were cooking by gas. We do actually cook by gas, another installation to thank Lewis for.