Sticking Point

How hard can it be to stick the letters E, M and S on the side window of a car? Probably in anyone's normal world, incredibly straightforward. It is purely letters, no fancy artwork, no shape to match up exactly against the margins of the glass. That was the case with the window tints, fitted for security rather than vanity or any "boy racer fashion"
I am socially patient, I have the presence to remain calm while teaching someone to drive. Otherwise I would not have gone halfway through instructor training. I can stand in a queue without my brain exploding in frustration of not getting anywhere fast. Many other aspects of life, I like to think I am patient. Therefore, I conclude that I am Dexteritally Impatient. My mind tells me to be incredibly careful, my hands slow right down, acting in a calculated manner. Yet the finished result looks more like an Aero bar or a lunar landscape and belies the time taken over the job. I know this to be one of my failings, therefore wallpapering is something I do not profess to have the patience for. Plenty other people can do it, I am a perfectly good painter, I can perform joinery tasks without too much trouble, align doors, measure and cut materials, lay a smooth path of concrete but show me some kind of thin sheet material and things have the potential to go haywire.
I approached a sign maker to produce lettering for the car. As a whole package, including H&S signs, magnetics for the car and other decals, he was going to be ridiculously expensive. "How hard can it be?" I asked myself. With Ebay as my friend, various self adhesive products were ordered. Hi Viz tape for the side, Hi Viz chevron strips for the rear and a great looking product, A4 self adhesive sheet that accepts standard inkjet ink to form a permanent outdoor sticker. Apart from the side stripes having now faded in spite of the cost and the chevrons facing only one way, making their mirroring a complete headache of wasted material and mismatch, the A4 sheets seemed to promise a very easy quick, professional look.

Firstly I had to finish the tints. In tune with what I've already said, they now presented themselves each as unique pieces of work, four pieces of glass each side, every one now with its own scale of imperfections. Given my choice not to tint out the rear window and the declassification of Pluto as a planet, you could probably align them all as a representation of our solar system. I could call one Mars to represent the pieces of sand which still abound in the car following the use by the previous owner. A gust of wind coming into the car at the crucial point being sufficient to embed hundreds of grains on the vinyl sheet. Definately a couple would be gas giants, given the amount of air now permanently trapped, despite my best squeegying efforts. The added risk on this occasion, was found in a few after they had been applied, stray head hairs, unnoticeable before offering them up, now nicely pressed like a butterfly in a collection for all to see. Earth, with its flaws and ozone hole quite, quite apparent by those pieces where I either refused to give up on the squeegy and had now pieces of black pigment scraped off, or the sheet had pulled it's own ink off when the sheet doubled back on itself. They were on, in the most part showing a black face onto which a contrasting yellow set of letters would be affixed.

Transport font, as used on all British road signs made sense, A simple block lettered font, highly visible. Three letters as large as possible to fit on one page. After only a few hours... margin alignment, telling the computer that No, I didn't want them over two separate pages, I was ready to print. I used plain paper first just to make sure, it all seemed fine. I double checked the instructions on use of the adhesive sheets to determine which side to print on. As a generic instruction sheet, I followed the guidance which I thought related to the type I had purchased, Clear vinyl with white backing sheet, that way, I could print yellow and it would show yellow up against the black glass background. I hit print and waited. The instructions noted that the sheet must be left for a minute for the ink to dry, so the rather blotchy result emerging from the printer did not initially phase me. Five minutes later, I was less than impressed. The finished piece resembled an oil slick in a puddle, albeit an oil slick neatly within the margins of the lettering. Thinking it may be a printer issue, I fed the sheet back in to apply more ink. Two things happened, firstly, the printer and my laptop started complaining the colour ink was low. I had recently changed the black ink. Only having bought the printer in May, the longevity of the ink did concern me, most new printers tend to only come with half filled ink cartridges and I did choose a Kodak so replacements were hardly a remortgaging matter, so I was not unduly worried. The second thing, was a newly over printed sheet with the same puddle-like characteristics, only this time, the outlines were a little more vague. With the mantra of "It'll look ok from a distance" I proceeded to the next stage.

The instructions suggest that for maximum outdoor longevity, an acrylic vehicle lacquer be applied over the sheet. Once trimmed to size, I took the sheet out to the garage, layed it beside a few pieces of Hi Viz tape in the hope the overspray might prevent them fading once used, and commenced carefully applying a protective coat. Once dry, I set to peeling off a small corner of backing paper ready to take for applying to the vehicle. The word off, quickly acquired another letter and became capitalised and repeated- O-FFS! The garage resounded to the adult version of a frustrated child stamping it's feet, on the discovery that I had misread the instructions for distinguishing the adhesive sheet from the backing sheet. Simply flipping the sheet and printing the correct side was no longer an option. Not only had I trimmed it from A4 to some, probably printer unrecognisable shape, but there was insufficient ink even if I could.

A couple of days later, armed with a new colour cartridge and a fresh sheet of adhesive, I set about trying again. I had ordered five A4 sheets, with the main purpose being the decals, together with a side project of making smaller asset stickers for my equipment. This looking increasingly unlikely and my paranoia at the planned miserly approach to using as much of the sheets as possible, probably resulting in text over text, writing off more sheets, combined with the new idea to add, what I call 3D Barcodes, technically known as QR Code to the sides of the car, meant I should just concentrate upon getting this right. The sheet loaded in the printer correctly, the computer suitably dismissed for suggesting the parameters were outwith normality (I wonder what the on screen message would be, were my laptop connected to my brain!) I hit print and waited. A perfect result emerged, this was duly repeated for the other side, the QR codes were printed too and I put all four sheets through the trimmer, then headed out to do the lacquer finish.
It’s quite windy here, it may be a calm day across the rest of the North East, in the Lumgair microclimate, it will most likely be force ten. This obviously does not help when trying to apply stickers. Undaunted, I was determined to get this done. I mean, how hard can it be to slap a sticky piece of vinyl onto a bit of glass? The rearmost side window would bear the text E M S, with a QR code on the white paintwork below it. All making a professional, yet subtle, livery for a car that is not only used for business but may visit a municipal waste tip with a friend's fridge freezer and not wish to be accused of being a trader trying to circumvent waste regulations. The QR code would be there for anyone who wished to know more about the business, taking a user straight to the website from their mobile phone. Most phones now come with this as standard, I thought it to be novel and portray a forward thinking business.

The areas to be "stuck upon" were prepared, the glass washed, the paintwork cleaned with T Cut. Time to peel the backing off and start to apply the first sticker. As the E was smoothed onto the glass, all was not looking so rosy, or rather not looking so yellow. Firstly, I thought my smoothing was removing the ink but I persevered until the only bubbling was under the clear areas and not the letters. Stepping back from the vehicle, I could clearly see that a sticker had been applied, there were three vague letters on said sticker. Rather than bold lettering standing out, the black bubbly window imperfections were now joined by a further rippled, squint flaw, only this time applied to the outside. Peeling it back off, the yellow became clear again in the daylight. The ink was intact so I tried again, this time following a better window line to ensure a straighter application. The yellow now became invisible once more. As good as the ink was, it was printed onto a clear material, making the yellow translucent. Set onto a black surface, the darker colour was winning out. In desperation, with the adhesive now having been tried twice already, I placed the sticker on the driver's door. The yellow on white worked very well, it was not the look I was trying to achieve and I was deeply unhappy with the overall effect it created. That was some hardy adhesive. Even if I didn't want it on the paintwork, it held on for dear life as I relieved it of its position once more.

My final attempt was on the back quarter of the car, just below the window where it had been intended. This was the area onto which the QR codes would be stuck, I adjusted the spacing accordingly to allow both stickers to fit. The QR sheets, by comparison, were a breeze to apply. Obviously care had to be taken to avoid any bubbles or the scanners would not read the image correctly. Once on, the checks with my phone produced a reassuring 'ping' any rust, of which there are all too many examples on the car had also been avoided from delivering the wrong scan. The backing sheet to the first sticker applied had been allowed to blow away at the time. I rescued it from the verge and deposited it in my wheelie bin. Half an hour later or so, this wheelie bin was upturned to rescue the backing sheet, thankfully the only contents were the sheet and a small piece of kitchen roll used in the preparation. My miserly approach had returned. I did not want to waste the sticker but had decided, upon reflection, I still did not like its positioning. Now, if you will excuse me, I believe I have an email to write, requesting a new quote from the professional signwriter.